Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
