I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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