I'm really into asian looking animals
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
