how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
