that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
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