I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
