He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
