piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
