Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Randomize
