I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
