She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You know, be my cock's hype man.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
