Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
