When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
