I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
