Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
