I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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