We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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