I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
