he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
