this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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