I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
