drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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