I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
