I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
