if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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