Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
