If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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