I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
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I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
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You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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