woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
