i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
