Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
bring money and cleavage
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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