I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
