Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize