I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
