the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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