I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
ok first of all what the fuck
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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