Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Sober January is a disaster.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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