a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
