I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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