I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
