It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
