he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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