Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
