we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
