So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
