listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
