who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
