If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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