remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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