She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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