Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
