so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
