I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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