i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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