i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
