Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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