i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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