I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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