soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
