I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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