Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
