you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
