This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
As shirtless as possible
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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