I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
