I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
