Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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