Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
