DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
