my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
love makes seman taste better
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
